I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
