Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
im holly from the hills drunk
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
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