ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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