so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
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