Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
