I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
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