the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
I need water and some morals
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
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