Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Randomize
