One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
Dignity is for republicans.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
