So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
