yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
Randomize
