what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize
