The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
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