the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
Randomize
