dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
