he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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