Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Randomize
