i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
