he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Randomize
