Don't make out with my wife yet
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
I just gift wrapped bread.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
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