Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
