someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
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