I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
