he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
Randomize
