The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
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