It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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