Plan B is the new Plan A
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
