so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
Randomize
