either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
My ATM looks so different sober.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
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