I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize