38 yer olds are good kisserssss
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
