I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
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