32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
