how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
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