Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
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