I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
