Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
Randomize
