I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
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