Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
He had one of those small greek statue penises
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Randomize