I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
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