Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
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