your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Randomize
