Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
