I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Randomize
