She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
This is classic penis vs brain.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
Randomize
