well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
that's an acceptable place to lick
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Randomize
