watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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