Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
organizing the empties. That sober.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
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