we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Randomize
