just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Randomize
