You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Randomize
