i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
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