I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
