Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
