You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
Randomize
