i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Randomize