Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
