Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
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