Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
Dignity is for republicans.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
Randomize
