some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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