Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
Randomize
