p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
Randomize