we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
