My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
Randomize
