So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
Randomize
