I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
It was a blind-side dick pic.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize
