R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
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