You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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