Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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