I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Randomize
