I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
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