My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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