btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
Randomize
