I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
Randomize
