Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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