I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
