They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
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