Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
Randomize