I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
